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Jan 9
18:54
Advice. My boyfriend has a mortgage and a job and a life in Tampa. But I was like “I might find a job in Orlando” and he was like “it might not work out so don’t be upset” as in he doesn’t think he could do long distance. It kind of upset me because I am leaving my family from another state to be in Florida and would do everything to be with him. And he’s saying this so easily. Am I being unreasonable? If he loves me, he should do the world to stay with me. Or is that not mature of me to think
 
29
Jan 9
19:00
Not everyone is willing or emotionally able to handle a distance relationship
3
Jan 9
19:03
By that logic you wouldn’t get a job that’s not in your city. Not everyone is capable of handling a long distance relationship and there’s nothing wrong with that. Don’t put limits on yourself because of this either. He’s being upfront, which is good. Ultimately, do what’s best for you and if the relationship doesn’t work out because of it then it’s what’s meant to be.
1
Jan 9
19:15
Long distance is hard and I think it’s fair if he doesn’t want to be in a long distance relationship. I know I wouldn’t be capable of doing it (unless it was only for a few months). At least he knows where he stands and has been honest with you
 
Jan 9
19:17
So, isn’t that wrong though? Do I need to break up with him because now I see where he stands? And that I’m not worth a long distance relationship? This means that he wouldn’t do the world for me.
 
Jan 9
19:18
It doesn’t dictate your worth. Some people just can’t do long distance and he’s being honest with you.
 
Jan 9
19:20
It’s not wrong.
 
Jan 9
19:20
It doesn’t mean you’re not worth it. My partner and I love each other to bits but have agreed that if we ever need to go long distance (properly) then we’ll have to break up. And the thought of it does hurt, but at least there are no illusions. There are no problems with being honest, quite the opposite and at least you can now make a proper decision
 
Jan 9
19:21
But he says I’m the person he wants to marry and have kids with. If that’s true, then distance shouldn’t be a problem, nothing should. There should be compromises to stay together no matter what. I’m not just for convenience. Love has to be real
 
Jan 9
19:23
You don’t have to compromise things if you don’t want to. Relationships are two sided. If he doesn’t think he can do long distance, then that’s ok he’s being honest with you.
3
Jan 9
19:26
@jlokasik I understand that. And I am in the same situation with my partner, he’ll we’re living together and all. But if we have a considerable amount of distance separating us we’ll split because it’s so hard to be with someone yet not be able to be with each other. It puts a lot of strain on a relationship and causes a lot of heartache. Te reason why we know we wouldn’t do long distance is because we both kinda did it before (with past relationships) and both found it horrible. I hope this helps, but please don’t be upset at your boyfriend because he told you that, it doesn’t mean that he doesn’t love or care for you, it just means that he can’t stand being with you without really being together
 
Jan 9
19:34
Long distance is hard. I’ve done it for only a few months, and honestly I think it’s completely fair that he doesn’t want to do it. And he’s been upfront and honest with you about that. It’s not as simple and as straightforward as ‘if he really loves me he’ll do it’ ‘if he doesn’t do this then he doesn’t love me’.... honestly that’s a childish way to think. Just because you’re in a relationship doesn’t mean you should put your partner before everything else in your life. You’re both individuals, in the end you both need to make decisions that are best for yourselves as individuals, and sometimes those decisions may have an impact on the relationship, negative or positive. Long distance can put a real strain on a relationship, it can be really hard to be away from a person who you love so much. If he thinks he would struggle with it then sadly you need to accept that. But don’t let his decision get in the way of your life and your plans!
5
Jan 9
19:38
I personally wouldn’t be with someone who wouldn’t do long distance with me (unless it was a practically permanent LD thing), to me if you really love/want to be with someone and know they’re right for you, you’ll make it work no matter what. So to me it depends on how long your planning to work in another place and how far it is.
2
Jan 9
19:41
Different people have different views of long distance and relationships. If to you that’s a dealbreaker that’s totally fine but he’s not doing anything wrong. Like there is no objective standard that says he doesn’t love you enough or you have to break up w him. But if you want to of course yu should!!
2
Jan 9
19:52
Aren’t they only like an hour and a half away from each other? I wouldn’t say that’s far at all.
1
Jan 9
19:56
^ I was actually thinking the same thing.. I think him being upfront was completely okay, but maybe there’s another reason as to why he thinks it wouldn’t work? I feel like more context is needed as you didn’t say he mentioned the distance, unless that just wasn’t said in your post. Regardless, you shouldn’t let any comment like this measure your worth.
 
Jan 9
20:09
I’m not doing long distance with anyone. I’m not interested in that lifestyle. Yes, I may have deep feelings for someone and want to be with them, but that’s a limit for me. Everyone has limits. He’s being completely honest with you. And now you have a choice: take the job if that’s more important to you, or stay nearby to him if he’s more important. It’s not right or wrong either way because no one is lying to anyone at this point. He’s given you his needs and his limit... now the ball is in your court. But don’t treat this as he did you wrong, because he 100% did not. And if you make it out to be that way, it’s you that’s in the wrong.
1
Jan 9
20:35
Would you rather he lied to you and wasn’t honest about his true feelings? People want honesty and then when they get it, it’s still a problem. Tampa and Orlando are about 2 hours apart, lots of tolls etc. If you’re saying I’m leaving my hometown to be with him in Florida, what’s the point, sure you’ll be in Florida but in two totally different places. I don’t think he is in any way wrong, some people don’t want to do long distance and you can’t force him. If he does long distance for you and not because he wants to, it most likely will not work out just like he told you. Both people have to be on board and in total agreement for it to work. It’s a hard thing to do.
1
Jan 9
21:42
It’s fine if he doesn’t want to do long distance, but I wouldn’t move states for him either in that case.
 
Jan 9
21:43
Wait, I’m confused. If you’re living in another state and he lives in Tampa aren’t you already doing long distance?
1
Jan 9
22:19
@aurielle I think she lived in another state and moved to Tampa, FL to be with her boyfriend but now found a job in Orlando.
 
Jan 9
22:20
Sorry, I am going to school in Tampa and now looking for jobs.
 
Jan 9
22:25
So he wanted you to move states for him and his job but isn’t willing to do 2 hours long distance for your job? Not fair in my opinion. It’s fine if someone is clear about not wanting to do long distance but then don’t expect your partner to up and move their life for you if you’re not willing to do the same.
2
Jan 9
22:26
He says I can do whatever I want and be wherever but he would love to me close to me but doesn’t think he can do a long distance if I find a job somewhere else when I graduate
 
Jan 9
22:39
Is this the same boyfriend that’s been horrible to you about how many people you’ve slept with? If it is, he’s not worth long distance
6
Jan 9
22:40
@phil omg yes I completely forgot! You still haven’t dumped this guy? He’s shown you time and time again that he’s not worth your time.
3
Jan 9
22:51
Omg girl! He is not worth your time. I totally forgot about that.
 
Jan 9
22:52
Less than 2 hours really isn't that difficult in my personal opinion. It's not like your moving countries or to a distant state. Also, he wasn't being upfront at all. He was being rude. It might not work out so don't be upset? Really? That's such an a-hole thing to say. You talk about this issue together instead whatever he said. And if he is the same d*ck who judged your sex life, you should've left him a long time ago.
4
Jan 10
01:48
^YES! Get that job girl!
 
Jan 10
02:35
4

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