TW: loss of a loved one
Just writing this as I feel alone and don’t really have anyone to talk to.
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This year makes 7 years without my grandfather. I feel like it shouldn’t hurt anymore. But it still hurts so bad. This is the worst year (except for the first). I am struggling. I planned to make a memorial bear out of his shirts as a Christmas gift for my mom. This required me to go to his house, which I haven’t done since before he passed away. I don’t have the best relationship with my step grandmother. I just haven’t been okay since I went there. I don’t know if I was just avoiding the hurt. But it’s rough. Then yesterday, I tried to hang his memorial ornament on our tree while we were decorating. My mom told me not to and that she doesn’t even want to think about him this year. Her gift was the handmade memorial bear I have put so much work and tears into. I just feel so hopeless. I don’t know why it hurts so much now. If you’ve made it this far, thanks for listening.