@aurielle I was an individual for 16 years before I got in a relationship. I’m still an individual right now while I’m in a relationship. If being in a relationship turns someone into a different person and their identify it so fleeting and dependent on who’s in their life, then that’s something thay need to work on. That’s definitely not the case for everyone. I don’t think identities need to be deconstructed to know who you are as an individual.
Also how do you technically not know what you want in a partner if your completely happy with your first and only partner? I’m emotionally, intellectually, physically, and sexually fulfilled in my first and only relationship, and I know that. I get it if your first relationship does not fulfill you and make you happy, then it makes sense to leave that relationship. If you don’t know yourself enough to know what you want in a partner, then it makes sense to take time and figure it out. But that’s again not the case for everyone.
You can be happy, fulfilled, and self-sufficient by yourself while in a relationship. In fact you should be able to feel that way WHILE in a relationship. I think so many people view relationships as very limiting in regard to these things because they maybe haven’t experienced a healthy and balanced relationship before.
The only thing I “don’t know” personally is what a romantic beeakup feels like, and I am perfectly fine going my whole life without knowing what that’s like.
I get that everyone has their own opinions and I understand that most people may want to experiment to figure things out, need to explore options more, want to understand themselves better, etc. but I definitely don’t agree with making blanket statements and stating things about people who stay in their first relationship as though they are facts.