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Nov 6
19:48
What’s your opinions on relationships that start at a young age? 16/17 and are together for years afterwards never been with anyone else?
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Nov 6
19:50
To each their own. I personally think I need to grow by myself and my individuality would be compromised if I have a relationship in my developing years. I need to know of my identity without a SO. I also think relationships like that are highly romanticized
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Nov 6
20:02
There was a post similar to this recently that I can’t find, but personally I think high school relationships should be for having fun and learning only, not for lifetime commitment. It’s really important to be single as an adult to develop your identity and sense of self as an individual. When you’re in a relationship with someone since you were essentially a child you’re not giving yourself the opportunity to grow into an adult and figure out who you are as your own self without that other person in the picture.
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Nov 6
20:04
I don’t know any adult that recommends it but many teens and early 20yos that do, that should tell you enough
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Nov 6
20:15
@shocks Depends on the individuals, careers, life decisions, etc. I made a post on here before because I was wondering about others’ opinions on personal growth in versus out of a relationship. I can try to find that post! I’ve been in my first/only relationship since I was 16 years old. I’m 23 now. I think that personal growth can happen both in and out of a relationship, and can be different depending on your circumstances. A lot of people like to have been through multiple relationships to learn more about their own preferences and what they want/look for in relationships. However others, like myself, can be in only their first relationship forever and maybe just got lucky. I learned more about myself more than ever during the course of my relationship, and we both grew a lot individually as well. It’s definitely possible but I know many people will say it is not the norm
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Nov 6
20:16
Here it is! {lZKpt6xPs}
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Nov 6
20:17
^ people recommend to date around to learn about your likes and dislikes for sure. But I find more important to be single and not rely on another person. However if that worked for you that’s fine, I just don’t believe it should be a goal or advertised as one.
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Nov 6
20:28
I know people who met when they were between 17 and 20 that have been happily married for years. I definitely think that some people can marry their high school sweethearts, even though it’s not that likely.
 
Nov 6
20:31
I been with the same guy since we were 14 now we’re 22 and married. Its different for everyone in my opinion
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Nov 6
20:49
It depends on the relationship. I’m still with my first boyfriend, we got together when we were 17. You can’t really generalise and say it’s a good thing or it’s a bad thing. Why ‘date around’ if you love the person you’re with?
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Nov 6
21:04
I’m just asking people opinions/experiences... obviously if ur with someone a long time your going to love them but it doesn’t mean it’s going to last forever
 
Nov 6
21:06
@Hissteria I loved every single relationship I had but I also wanted to grow individually, travel, take job opportunities, not marry young because It would restrict me, etc. Love is not enough and you have to put yourself first.
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Nov 6
21:13
Personally, I love how young relationships have that best friend mentality and everything is just seems easy and simple because you’ve yet to live through a heartbreak. Everyone should definitely keep their first relationship for as long as the heart allows.
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Nov 6
21:18
I think it’s different for everyone. Some people need to explore and put themselves out there more to learn about themselves (in different ways : where they live, what they do, sexually, etc). Some people don’t need that and are content growing and exploring with the same person. It’s only an issue if you think you have to stay with them despite being unhappy or wanting more/something else. Or if they idolize it thinking it has to last. It’s possible but unlikely because most people grow so much in their late teens/early 20s and change and aren’t the same people they are at 16 so they grow apart. But some people are lucky and it works out for them. But I would encourage them to still experience things individually and apart from their SO (go to different colleges, live apart, travel) not just settle down and be done.
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Nov 6
21:21
@sugargypsy completely disagree! Shouldn’t just stay with someone just cause you love them or their your first love. Plus heartbreak helps you develop as a person and know your own mind better
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Nov 6
21:21
@Awg1 exactly that’s what I was trying to say!
 
Nov 6
21:22
100% agree with @tiff10
 
Nov 6
21:38
I just feel like those who have been with the same person since childhood and never known anything else don’t even know what they don’t know 😬
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Nov 6
21:47
There are also ways to have different experiences and still be w your partner long term!! My best friend started dating her bf when they were 14/16 or so and have been together for 12 years or something, but have been long distance for most of the time and were in an open relationship for 2 years or so. Not for everyone, but something to consider!! Gave them an opportunity to experience and are now happier than ever.
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Nov 6
22:16
@Grazydol8 real long distance for sure helps you grow as an individual.
 
Nov 6
22:16
@aurielle I have to agree
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Nov 6
22:19
The thing about first loves/relationships people typically think they will be together forever, but logically, that is rare. I think it’s best to experience different relationships so you can figure out who you are as an individual before you settle forever. I personally think being single is one of the greatest decisions people can make because that is an honest way to find out what you like, dislike, care about, passions, self-proclaiming opportunities, and boundaries, But first relationships are unique and shouldn’t be played down just because someone has yet to want to move on. I left my first love because I wanted to experience myself. And I have not ever regretted it and this was over 10 years ago.
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Nov 6
22:19
@SugarGypsy that sounds logical. I’ve had only amazing long term relationships, not abusive very uplifting, communicative and overall healthy and loving. But my priorities were my dreams and my growth. I think a lot of people can’t imagine being in a loving relationship after the first one they have and they get the idea that they won’t ever be able to “experience love like this”.
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Nov 6
22:37
@aurielle You say that “those who have been with the same person since childhood and never known anything else don’t even know what they don’t know” But the same can be said about someone who has has 10 relationships. People in general only know what they know. PEOPLE in general don’t know what they don’t know. While I understand that you, and many others, prefer to have multiple relationships to “know” more about themselves/what they want, that’s not the case for everyone. Some people are perfectly fine and happy with their first love and I don’t think that means they “know” any less about themselves.
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Nov 6
22:38
@HaBANNEDero hoe phase
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Nov 6
23:02
Lets agree to disagree. I do however think objectively everything in the media and everyone’s upbringing (every fairytale/movie) has told us that there is a “the one”, which is why women tend to cling onto that “first love” more than men, and why we see so many girls here not wanting to leave their first relationships when they should. So normalizing having more than one relationship (one relationship has been the norm for ages) is a positive thing in the long run.
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Nov 6
23:11
I’m fine with agree to disagree as long as you all are in happy relationships that fulfill you sexually and emotionally I’m okay ♥️
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Nov 7
01:05
I think the idea is very romanticized and it's often quite damaging when it comes to some people in their first relationships. There's this idea that people should stay together because they're each other's first loves and that it's so much more special, which creates problems especially in abusive relationships. Of course, to each their own. Some people manage to make it work and they're extremely happy. Some people don't feel like they need to experience multiple relations to grow and discover who they are. If you're happy and are in a healthy relationship, there's no harm in staying with the same person. I just know for myself that I would've never been able to stay with my first boyfriend forever. Not only because it wasn't a good relationship, but also because I now see that it's helped me develop from the experience and I now know what I think is best for me.
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Nov 7
01:06
Agreed with @leamarine, it feels like I’ve seen “he’s my first everything” on here a thousand times as the main reason a girl wants to stay in a crappy relationship. Obviously there are high school relationships that work out long term, but I don’t think that that should be the emphasis or expectation that you’re going to be with your high school sweetheart forever.
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Nov 7
01:43
@Kazoo I believe there are some things you can’t know without being single or having multiple relationships. That’s just my view of it.
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Nov 7
05:22
@aurielle just out of curiosity, what things cannot be known?
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Nov 7
06:04
Was in one for 6 years started in middle school... lol anyway, I thought I was gonna marry this person but then came a point where we weren’t at the same place in life. We were starting college and we had different interests and priorities and that’s totally okay. I think in general whether you’re with someone young or not, you have to be aware that things can change and no one is to blame for that, it’s part of our growth and byproduct of our individual experiences
 
Nov 7
08:40
There is no right answer, just opinions. People who are in healthy and happy first relationships will defend them, and people who are not will most likely have a different opinion. Personally I don't think you need to be single to grow or know yourself better. That can happen in a relationship as well if it's a good one. While I agree that first relationships are romanticized, if you are happy with your first partner and like the idea of a long term relationship, I don't see any harm in trying to achieve that.
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Nov 7
11:36
My fiancé and I have been together since we were 16/17 and recently got engaged and celebrated 9 years together. We’re definitely not the same people we were 9 years ago obviously. It’s different for everyone and it seems to have worked fine for us.
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Nov 7
14:03
@xixv who you are as an individual without that other person being part of your identity, what you want in a partner emotionally/intellectually/physically/sexually (if you’ve only been with one person technically you don’t know), how to be happy, fulfilled and self-sufficient by yourself.
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Nov 7
14:40
@aurielle I was an individual for 16 years before I got in a relationship. I’m still an individual right now while I’m in a relationship. If being in a relationship turns someone into a different person and their identify it so fleeting and dependent on who’s in their life, then that’s something thay need to work on. That’s definitely not the case for everyone. I don’t think identities need to be deconstructed to know who you are as an individual. Also how do you technically not know what you want in a partner if your completely happy with your first and only partner? I’m emotionally, intellectually, physically, and sexually fulfilled in my first and only relationship, and I know that. I get it if your first relationship does not fulfill you and make you happy, then it makes sense to leave that relationship. If you don’t know yourself enough to know what you want in a partner, then it makes sense to take time and figure it out. But that’s again not the case for everyone. You can be happy, fulfilled, and self-sufficient by yourself while in a relationship. In fact you should be able to feel that way WHILE in a relationship. I think so many people view relationships as very limiting in regard to these things because they maybe haven’t experienced a healthy and balanced relationship before. The only thing I “don’t know” personally is what a romantic beeakup feels like, and I am perfectly fine going my whole life without knowing what that’s like. I get that everyone has their own opinions and I understand that most people may want to experiment to figure things out, need to explore options more, want to understand themselves better, etc. but I definitely don’t agree with making blanket statements and stating things about people who stay in their first relationship as though they are facts.
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Nov 7
14:54
I have changed and grown up some much since I was 16, I can’t imagine still being with someone who I thought was “the one” back then but I personally wouldn’t trade my “hoe” years for anything 🤷‍♀️
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Nov 7
15:45
@aurielle good points 🤔
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Nov 7
15:48
@Kazoo yes, and at 16 you are still a child, not a fully formed adult individual. Someone who is in a relationship from that young of an age has not experienced what it’s like to be independent and on their own as an adult. “You can be happy, fulfilled and self-sufficient by yourself while in a relationship” - this statement is contradictory. In my view at least being single while an adult and TRULY on your own is an essential part of personal development and self-actualization. I was personally in a very healthy, balanced relationship for 5 years so I have experienced that, yet I still knew there were certain types of personal growth I could not experience while in a relationship. I never said these were facts, they are my views, and we’ll have to agree to disagree. In fact that comment wasn’t directed to anyone except @xixv who asked for further elaboration on something I had said before.
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Nov 7
17:13
At 16 years old I put way too much pressure on myself to get into a relationship, as did most other girls I knew. I thought that having a boyfriend would be validation that I was pretty and desirable because at that time I was so insecure. If I entered a relationship at that age it would have been for the wrong reasons, and I think it would have stunted my personal growth and confidence, since I had to form that myself as I got older. So in my opinion I could never have had a long lasting relationship that early in my life, I had so much more growing to do before a healthy, worthwhile relationship could come into the picture.
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Nov 7
17:27
Okay @aurielle as long as you know those are not facts that apply to everyone, I’m fine with agreeing to disagree. I’m glad you personally found a lot of personal growth while being single and it’s great that you found what works for you! 😊
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Nov 7
18:48
@aurielle I agree
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