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Jul 30
17:24
So I struggle to get pleasure from sex. My bf and I finally started to use vibrators and it's still not doing it for me. He doesn't see it as a problem but I do. I don't want my sex life to be like 20% of the pleasure I know I can feel. Last night my bf had like 10mins before he had to go to work and started fiddling around with me. We started having sex and I said itd feel better with my vibrator but we kept going. He apparently just wanted to get off before work so he came. Like 3mins of sex...then he left for work with me still all horny and dissatisfied. It bothers me because we've been talking about how my lack of pleasure during sex bothers me and he went and came in just a few mins cause he wanted to get off. I feel like I was some pocket pussy. I wanted to use a different way to describe it so he'd understand how it feels but I'm not sure if it's just stupid. In terms of a simile it feels like he always wants to go to dinner and gets a big juicy steak while I get a side of peas and he leaves dinner full and happy while I'm still hungry. He's told me I should masturbate in my own time so there's not so much pressure for sex but I want to enjoy my damn "dinner" not just eat in my own time so dinner isn't as sad. I'm just really annoyed with these issues we're trying to work through that he wanted us to have sex right before work just so he could get off. Am I justified in feeling like shit over this? Or is it silly and I'm selfish for wanting to enjoy sex too?
3
22
Jul 30
17:29
Like he cares for me and wants me to enjoy it too but he has a high sex drive so he's up for it every day. He thinks as long as I enjoy it I don't need to cum which sure...I guess....but with the level I enjoy it I might as well get a massage cause it feels just as good.
 
Jul 30
17:31
i’m sorry but he doesn’t care for you if he literally used you to get off before he went to work.
3
Jul 30
17:34
He tries every other time though.
 
Jul 30
17:35
Idk how to even tell him I wasn't happy he did that too without being horribly harsh. I want to say it in a civil and constructive manner
 
Jul 30
17:45
He clearly don’t care about your satisfaction.
3
Jul 30
17:46
Sex isn’t just for him, so if he doesn’t have time to properly please you as well then he can go without too. Does he do foreplay on you before sex (for like 30+ mins) and try hard to make you orgasm? Sounds like he doesn’t care about your pleasure at all and doesn’t want to work with you to make it enjoyable for you...he shouldn’t be the only one orgasming.
4
Jul 30
17:48
LOL what a joke, this man does not care about your pleasure. At all. You’re absolutely justified in feeling sh!t about it. Cos he doesn’t give a sh!t.
2
Jul 30
17:49
“He doesn’t see it as a problem” BIG. RED. FLAG. He doesn’t care about your pleasure or satisfaction. He only cares about himself. Dump his a••.
5
Jul 30
17:51
That’s is selfish of him. Sex should be enjoyable for both parties not just one. He should put effort into making sex enjoyable for you every time not just sometimes.
1
Jul 30
17:54
I used to date soemone like this. And forever I thought it was just me. And that I was just one of those women that wasn’t able to ever orgasm. But hellllllk naw girl! When you meet someone who actually cares about your pleasure you’re gonna see that 20% get to who knows where. I never even knew I can feel pleasure until I met someone who took the time. Please don’t allow yourself to be with someone like this it’s really damaging. Trust me
5
Jul 30
17:57
And no I’m not just saying dump him cause of the sex (it sounds bad to some people because they say you shouldn’t only care about that). I’m saying dump him cause he does not care about you not being pleasured. And because it’s caused you to feel sheety and used. That’s not healthy. And it is not a good feeling at all.
5
Jul 30
18:00
@Brok3nsmile bad sex is plenty of reason to break up to be honest, it’s an incredibly important thing for most people and couples. Doesn’t sound bad at all tbh
3
Jul 30
18:02
Agee with @brok3nsmile it’s not just about the sex, how much he cares about your sexual pleasure is a reflection on him as a person..it shows he is sexist and doesn’t care/respect you enough as he is willing to be selfish with you x
2
Jul 30
18:06
@Yi_eune I understand that, just that I know some people will probabaly say like “you really only dumped him because of the sex?” But like I mentioned it isn’t just that it’s how he makes her feel because of the bad sex. Sorry I do realize it sounds like I’m saying it’s not a good enough reason
4
Jul 30
18:23
I don't want to just dump him. We've been together over a year and everything else is great. He could just be insecure about pleasing a woman. He's my first actually, I started dating at 23, and from what he's said of his past it doesnt seem like any girl ever said how to please them. Im going to talk to him tonight. He's at work but obviously knows I'm off/upset today just through text. @Broke3nsmile you're right though...Im gonna tell him I dont want to have sex if we're not going to try to please me too. He'll get that it was about last night and I'll see what he says from there. We are so good together I dont ever want sex to drive us apart. I'd rather we not have sex for a while (masterbate on our own if needed) than break up over it. Im gonna give myself some TLC with food, wine, and a nice steamy shower to clear my head before he gets home
 
Jul 30
18:25
So like I said he wants to please me I think he's just insecure and maybe I am too used to the few ways I masturbate to enjoy sex...I know I gotta relax and have to gain confidence in telling him what works.
 
Jul 30
18:56
The problem is though that you’ve tried to communicate enough times to him that your not satisfied and he ‘doesn’t see it as a problem’ and “He thinks as long as I enjoy it I don't need to cum” so it’s obviously not insecurity stopping him it’s his laziness and selfishness.... how much foreplay does he do on you before penetrative sex? When I was new to sex I would make excuses for guys not making me orgasm, now I’ve experienced multiple guys I know it was just selfishness stopping them learning. Even my fuck buddy’s won’t start penetrative sex until I’ve already had at least one orgasm.
3
Jul 30
19:00
@Baileybee being insecure about pleasing a women is not a valid excuse to just not bother to please a woman at all. If he doesn’t know how to please a woman then he needs to actively work to change that, by asking questions, checking in with you, communicating, doing some research online, stopping in the middle of sex and asking you questions, making any kind of effort. Saying “I want to please you” isn’t good enough, he actually has to at least try to do that. You’ve been together over a year and nothing has happened, he still hasn’t learned how to please you - that mean he doesn’t really want to, he’s clearly not interested in making the effort. He’s spent over a year getting pleasured and not giving back. You’ve tried to communicate and he’s done nothing. Zero effort made. You’re still at square one, a whole year later. Not only that, he completely dismisses you and doesn’t think it’s a problem, which is a red flag. He probably just can’t be arsed to make the effort. That’s selfish AF. It’s not the sexual pleasure aspect, it’s the fact that he’s clearly only thinking of himself. Is that a trait you want in a partner? I certainly don’t. Does he do this or anything similar in any other aspect of your relationship?
1
Jul 30
19:00
^^I was going to say that too (didn’t want my comment too long😅) there’s plenty of ways he can show he’s trying his best but it’s pretty clear he’s not bothered.
1
Jul 30
19:12
Do you know how to get yourself off? Show him and tell him how you like it and what you want him to do to you. Sex should be equally as pleasurable for both of you and he should want to put that effort in for you. Take some time to really talk to him and communicate what you want. Obviously it’s a red flag if he doesn’t even try and is only using you to get himself off though.
1
Jul 31
02:03
You are 100% justified in your feelings. He’s an ass. It’s a red flag that he doesn’t wanna give you the pleasure you deserve but he’s using you for it.
1
Jul 31
22:42
I wouldn’t be able to orgasm with only 3 minutes of PIV sex either lol! I think it is a red flag he isn’t paying attention to you or going for longer, but this could also be due to lack of communication & immaturity. I would have a serious conversation with him, asking for longer foreplay sessions, have him use the vibrator on you during sex, going slower or asking him to edge so he doesn’t finish as fast
 

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