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Jul 10
08:08
Ive been crying for an hour and can’t stop. Im so sick of my mom and her constant pressure for me to find a job and how stupid I am for not finishing school and getting a degree like everyone else around me. But she’s the main reason I struggle with school so much! She doesn’t understand that I can’t help that I’m shy and people judge me by my looks. I CANT FREAKING CHANGE MY EYE CONDITION! People will always look at that first when they meet me and it will always be the root of my shyness. How do you deal with life when everything seems to be falling apart? Just thinking about tomorrow makes me want to never wake up again.
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Jul 10
08:19
I know it gets really hard. And there’s no advise that I can give you that will change much but you need to power through and remember this is your life. No matter how you look people will judge you. If you’re larger people stare if you’re skinny people stare if you wear something too short people stare if you’re wearing something too long people stare. You’re not stuck where you are forever ok? You need to make opportunities for yourself to love a good life and not live under the pressure of your mom. This is your life and no one else’s. You need to prove yourself that you are capable of being happy. Wether that is eating healthier and starting a sport, wether that is finally talking to this one person at school that doesn’t judge you, whether that is learning a new language. Occupy yourself. St the end of the day you might be shy and scared of others but you will be surrounded forever and you need to learn that they are not the ennemies and even though some people are truly evil, a lot of them will accept you for who you are.
 
Jul 10
08:30
How you are feeling in this moment is temporary. You will get past this, and you will find your direction. I know what it's like to be shy and self-conscious enough that I struggle when it comes to applying for jobs. However, you have to be strong and try and push through that. No employer is going to offer you a job based on your looks. Preparing well for interviews by researching common questions, and practicing is the best way to build your confidence. Remember that loads of people are also shy, or have insecurities - you are not the only one. I also have anxiety that means whenever I am out in public anywhere, or at university, I constantly feel as though someone will be looking at me and judging me. Chances are, no one actually is and it's all in my head. Because of this, I am a little awkward when talking to people I don't know very well. This makes interviews really difficult for me. I know though that I don't want to feel this way forever. I don't want to let it ruin my life. I want to get somewhere and be proud of myself. I try my best to smile and pretend I'm confident when I'm not. It is slowly working, I am gaining confidence as time goes on. You can too.
 
Jul 10
10:43
I have a coworker who has a burn mark on her face. A large burn mark, and every time I see her I look at it. I actually think it looks nice and makes her stand out but I’m sure she was teased when she was younger but that didn’t stop her from getting a masters degree and becoming the top 10% in her class and coming to work for this huge company we work at. You can’t let other people determine your future. I think it’s fine if you don’t want to go to school because you want to do something else and you have a plan that doesn’t require school. But if you have no plan whatsoever you need to go see a psychiatrist first, talk it out, and find a plan to finish school. And move out of your moms house because she’s pressuring you which is causing the opposite effect but because you have no money and you can’t move out so you need to get a job.
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