I’m not sure if this is TMI but my boyfriend bought a pocket “toy” (if you know what I mean). I feel super weird and grossed out about it, especially because it is very realistic and looks like another woman’s vjay. Please let me know if you think it’s weird or if I am just being insecure.

You’re being insecure. Using toys is completely normal and healthy! Take a look within and try and think about why exactly you feel grossed out about it? A toy isn’t going to replace you and he would still rather have sex with you than a toy but sometimes toys can be fun to use on our own and it doesn’t mean we love our partners any less.

I could understand being weirded out by that but at the end of the day it’s very normal

You’re being insecure. It’s a toy. Who cares?

You are being insecure... it’s no different from someone using a dildo or vibrator... it’s just a toy

I honestly don’t mind him having a toy..it’s the fact that he was searching for the most perfect, realistic one to have fun with.

Toys can be pricey. I don’t see the issue with him wanting to find something he really likes.

I don’t think it’s fair to call you insecure about it especially if you’ve had no experience with them before, but just keep an open mind about it and see where everything goes.

I mean if I’m spending money on a toy I would want to get something I like

@Sky777 ?? why is that a factor? I don’t get it.

I know it isn’t real but it’s still modeled after another woman’s vagina

You're looking far too into this. It's not modelled after anyone's vagina in specific. It's just a generalized figure. He's not having sex with another woman when he used it, it just has a similar sensation. It's like women using dildos; it's for the pleasure while they feel like masturbating and getting a quick release.

*uses

It’s modeled after a pornstar

It’s honestly not something you need to worry about he is not cheating on you with the toy... because it’s only a toy...it honestly doesn’t matter what the pocket vagina looks like... I highly doubt your boyfriend is only going out with you for your vagina, so you really have nothing to be worried about at all

Thanks for all of of your input! It really helps hearing another persons perspective! It also makes me feel better about the situation.

Ok if it was just a general toy that looks like a vagina I would have zero problem with it but I do find it weird that he got one modeled after a specific pornstar. Not because I’d be insecure he’d like it more than my vagina or something like that but because I’m not sure I’d be comfortable with a guy who fetishizes women’s body parts in that way. I’d find it creepy.

@Sky777 it’s okay for you to feel weirded out by it.. honestly why does he “need” the pocket toy if he has you. I feel society pushes sex toys porn etc on us and deem it as “normal” we don’t need those things

@AOkay because people are allowed masturbate even when they have a partner 🤷‍♀️

I don’t see the issue. If there’s no problem with watching porn, then what’s the issue of having a pornstar’s sex toy? They’re super common. There are dildos that are models of male pornstar’s penises. It’s really, really common.

@Martini_ yeah true we are allowed to.. but do we necessarily “need” to?

@AOkay He likes those things. I like those things. A lot of people here like those things. It’s not that deep.

@AOkay you don’t “need” the majority of things you use.

@AOkay are you kidding? Masturbation is the most natural thing and if you have an issue with it then you really need to take a look at why you have an issue with it because it’s honestly ridiculous to be bothered by that.

@rosiebug @kataraa_ who says it’s “natural” because the majority does it?

@AOkay based on your own logic who says it’s unnatural just because some people do not?

@AOkay because it’s 100% normal and natural to explore your body and sexuality alone. Fetuses in the womb masturbate! There’s absolutely nothing wrong with doing it just like there’s nothing wrong with not doing it.

Masturbation is not a bad thing. I think you're only saying that because you're a bible thumper @aokay

@kataraa_ it hasn’t been proven that babies in the womb touch themselves for pleasure. (Mind you guys I’m not coming into this discussion hostile just stating opinions as you state your own :)

@Sassysally so you see where I have gotten my sources.. who’s says that it isn’t a bad thing?

@Ebell which is possible but they haven’t proven if it is for pleasure.

Actual licensed psychologists, doctors and other health experts widely agree that masturbation is normal and healthy.

Not everyone on this app is religious and follows the Bible. I'm going to follow science on this one, like aurielles comment

Wait, just so we’re clear. Is the Bible being referred to as a “source”?

Pretty sure yeah @rosiebug

@aurielle @Sassysally good to know it’s not harmful to us physically but what about it being harmful to our spirit? (Don’t have to answer) but I feel as though that’s something scientist can’t answer

I’m not going to shame you for any religious beliefs you hold, you can believe anything you’d like. I for one follow a totally different faith and it would be really offensive if someone made fun of that, especially in this day and age where everyone is fighting for inclusivity of all varieties. That said, if your discomfort over this is rooted in your religious beliefs then I’d say the real issue here isn’t the toy itself but your compatibility with your partner’s beliefs. It sounds like he has different ones, and if that’s the case then you will need to discuss where you two differ and depending on how much you differ whether this is a relationship you can continue to have. There’s also the case where you may have the same beliefs but interpret and act them out differently, and if that’s what is happening here you either need to create space for tolerance and acceptance, or maturely end things if you truly think this is outside of your boundaries. As it stands though, this has nothing to do with the toy but a clash between you and your partner’s individual beliefs, which needs to be ironed out as otherwise you’ll continue to have other problems in your relationship.

@AOkay That is a belief and something that cannot be argued. You believe it or you don’t. I don’t, so I’m not worried.

So, no, a scientist can’t answer that, but no one can.

@Ebell @rosiebug Understandable

@Aokay I don’t believe in any sort of god or religion or faith as I am a scientist so for me I am not worried about my “spirit” and the effects of masturbation on it

@Martini_ I can understand that..

@AOkay well what do you mean by spirit? The link I posted said masturbation can be good for relationships and improve intimacy with your partner. That sounds like it’s good for your spirit to me.

It’s perfectly normal to own a sex toy. People are allowed to masturbate and pleasure themselves in any ways they see fit even if they’re in a relationship. I’m in a relationship but I love realistic dildos, ones that have veins and are soft because they feel like the real thing. And heck yeh they’re expensive! Who wants a sex toy that isn’t going to feel life like. Does that mean I value my sex life with my partner any less? Fuck no! It just means I sometimes like my own private time, exploring my body in my own way. It’s a private thing, and no person, especially a romantic partner should judge their other for what they do privately. Whether it’s the type of porn they enjoy or the sex toy they use. Sex and all things surrounding sex should be accepted x

I’m confused. Does he have a specific porn star he loves and he got that dildo because it was modeled after her, or did he just get a dildo with what the poster thinks is a “perfect vagina”?

@Sky777 i agree with you, i mean if you guys are together I don’t see the point in having a toy, he can just call you for a quickie

@connie71c people like their own personal time to masturbate and pleasure themselves. It’s a different experience to sex with a person. If that was the case no human would ever masturbate

@princesspeac I’m not against masturbating, like when you are single or in a ldr But if you are in a relationship with someone you see everyday, I don’t understand why they would need to do it

Because sometimes people just want some time to themselves? When you're having sex with someone else you have to also worry about pleasing them, and when you're masterbating you only have to worry about pleasing yourself, and also just because you're in the mood to masterbate doesn't mean you feel like having sex.

@Connie71c there are many reasons people masturbate when in a relationship, things like they want alone time, they could have a higher sex drive than their partner, not being able to see their SO every day, they want stress relief, boredom... or even something as simple as they just feel like it... I actually masturbate twice a day because of my high sex drive and this has been the case even when I am in a relationship because my partner wasn’t always available to do it or sometimes I just felt like it because I was in the mood for an orgasm but I want to only focus on my pleasure

@Martini_ fair enough, everyone is different But i still think sex toys are a bit too much in a relationship unless they use them together

@connie71c I think that’s quite a naive viewpoint to say that people shouldn’t use toys to masturbate when in a relationship... if that’s what they prefer when masturbating then that’s what you should use... if they prefer no toys when masturbating then don’t use toys... it doesn’t make it wrong either way

For me I have to use a sex toy when masturbating because fingers do nothing for me... when it comes to sex it needs to be oral or penetrative none of this hands solo business 😂

@Connie71c That’s pretty closed minded.

@connie71c when my partner and I are home from university we are together everyday. However I sometimes like to use my sex toys by myself. It’s me time. It’s a different orgasm, a different sensation to having sex with him. Sometimes I just want to touch myself and fantasise and use toys that I don’t want him to use on me. You need to understand that this is normal and people shouldn’t have to be ashamed for using sex toys outside of their sexual relationship with their partner. Every person has the right to explore their own sexuality. It doesn’t always have to involve a partner.