TW: abuse not doing so well, been living at a hotel since Sunday. Had a big fight with my parents and got thrown out by my dad mid bpd breakdown. And then found out today that my mom called me fat and that I’m getting ugly to my closest friends mom at work (they work together). I’ve always been aware that my mom complains ablut me to coworkers saying I’m a “difficult daughter” and that I treat her bad etc but this just ... idk. I absolutely can’t live at home and I don’t where to go from here. They’ve both been excessively messaging my boyfriend trying to check in on me and my mom is sending apologies etc. I have the support of my sister, boyfriend, my boyfriends parents and my closest friend. I’m truly heartbroken and I’ve never felt so sick to my stomach before.

Need advice, kind words, stories or anything to make me feel less alone. Anything will help at this point tbh.

i’m so sorry you’re going through this! you are beautiful!! don’t let anyone else tell you otherwise. give yourself time to heal, you need it ❤️ put on your favourite tv show or movie and give yourself a break. It will get better!! We are always here for you!

@sassquatch hey; if it helps I have a horrible relationship with my father. My relationship with my mom used to be extremely bad (I suffer from cPTSD as a result) but she learned and got better so now it’s ok, though yesterday we had a fight and that was tough. It’s not impossible that if once calm you have a proper conversation with your mom (or dad) whoever you feel more ok with, that maybe you could eventually get through to them like I did with my mom - though that of course depends on your personal circumstances. I’m just trying to say that even though I once was in a similar position to you, through many conversations and forcing my mom to see my psychiatrist to explain how her behaviour is damaging to me the situation improved massively. Also, if you’ve got your boyfriend and your sister, plus friends, maybe you could ask one of them if they’d be ok with you sleeping over at their place for a while? Also, if you don’t yet have a therapist, try and see one. Though many are expensive, it’s not impossible to find one that is not as much, or even see one for free (e.g. you can do that on the NHS in the U.K.). If not there’s also support groups for people with toxic parents - I could have a look and send links? This likely would help you feel less isolated in your struggles. Depending on your financial circumstances and general situation with your parents outside of this particular fight, maybe you could explain to them how living outside of their house (doesn’t have to be very expensive, you could rent a cheap-ish and find roommmates to lower costs too) would be helpful to both your relationship with them and everyone’s well being and mental health. I know of someone who was having difficulties with their family but after some discussion their parents provided them some money to live with some friends as they realised this was beneficial to everyone. These are all just different things to consider - just so you know there’s hope. And at worst, a good idea would be to establish an arrangement where you sleep over at one of your friends’, boyfriend’s or sister’s place once or twice a week. I’ve been having difficulties with my family lately and I sort of loosely agreed with a close friend to sleep over once or twice a week, and that’s been hugely helpful, allowing me to 1) take a break from them for my mental health, and spend quality time with a friend I love 2) allowing my family to appreciate the time we spend together more when I come back and they miss me 3) helps my friend to feel less lonely since he lives alone. I’m sure your friends/boyfriend/sister would enjoy your company - and this is quite an easy arrangement you can make instantly x. Either way, aside from practical advice, I really feel you on this, having suffered from toxic parents myself. You’re beautiful and your feelings are valid and the situation sounds really difficult emotionally. Things will get better, I promise 💗

Has your mom always been super critical about you and your sisters looks and accomplishments even when you were a children? seems like she has some deep rooted issues herself and she is projecting those onto you maybe she type of parent who makes up this elaborate story in her head and expects her kids to follow that and it’s really toxic. The more distance you have from her more you can heal and she is just holding you back you deserve to be happy and you are doing good by surrounding yourself by ppl who support you. You are your own person now and if your parents cant see that then it’s their problem you deserve to live your life as you want. Start following your dreams and build a life for yourself, you are not alone and you have an amazing support group behind you 💕.

you are literally so gorgeous and beautiful and it’s a shame your own mother can’t see that. are you financially stable enough to move out? if you are i’d get a place and cut them out completely. even staying temporarily w a friend or your bf or whoever. you don’t need their abuse. i’m glad you have ppl supporting you and remember we’re here too if you need to vent!❤️❤️

I agree with @appoggiatura, your mom is a liar and is most likely projecting because you are so beautiful! I’d recommend staying away from your parents and even cutting them out of your life if that’s what will make you happier/bring your peace. I also have very toxic parents that love having control over me, so I moved out and it’s been so liberating. I hope you’ll be able to be independent and you won’t have to stand their abuse ♥️

Thank you all, everything you’ve all said has helped immensely. My mom has refused therapy for years and always expressed “sadness” or “remorse” for what she does but never changes. I’ve gotten to the point of cutting ties with my mom after I find a way to move out. I’ve gotten offered to stay at my boyfriends but idk. My sister is sadly in London so she can’t do much from another country. My mom has always been super critical from the start and I feel like she has always projected her insecurities, anxieties and problems onto others. She desperately wants to be liked by strangers and would hurt her own daughters in the process of doing so. She always apologizes but goes back to the same habit a week later and finding out that she speaks badly of me to her coworkers whilst praising my friend to her mom was the cherry on top of everything. I’ve just gotten a job so I’m going to try to save up whilst contacting the government for help to move out as this has become super damaging for my mental health. The only way I see this functioning EVER is if she goes to therapy and takes accountability for all the years of her abuse etc but I don’t see that happening. Once again, thank you all. All comments are truly appreciated 🤍🤍

TW: death Also don’t understand how she has lost one daughter (my eldest sister was killed back in 2004) and mourns her loss so much but treats her daughter that’s alive like trash?

there’s a saying that goes something like “you can never compete with a ghost.” your mother likely only remembers the good abt your sister. since she’s not here anymore she can’t make any mistakes, she can’t do any wrong. your mother is holding onto this perfect image of her first daughter and it’s unfair to project those expectations on her daughters that are still here. it’s not worth keeping in contact with her anymore, for the sake of your own mental health. even if she goes into therapy, i wouldn’t blame you if you went nc forever. also. take on your boyfriends offer. i’m sure it pains him to see you treated this way and he wants to help you as much as he can. it’s okay to accept help. you’re not a burden. get away from your abusive family and surround yourself w ppl who love and support you. wishing you love and strength during this time❤️

@sassquatch I see. It sounds similar to my mom except the vital point of that my mom was willing to learn and change and yours isn’t. I’m so sorry I know exactly how you feel and it is not easy. As others said, take up your boyfriend’s offer - I’m sure he wants you to be happy and to help you through this time. Contacting the government is also a good idea. Also try and get in touch with friends for potentially staying at their places too should you ever need it, as I said before - all that still stands. Wishing you strength to power through it all. You’ll be okay, you’ve absolutely got this!💜💜💜

Take up your boyfriend’s offer and save up as much money as you need to be free of her and independent. You have good people in your life that are going to help you through this ♥️

thank you all 🥺 I might take up on the offer but I’m unsure as he lives with his mom and her boyfriend whom I’m not a fan of LOL. But they did offer for me to stay there and that’s better than what I’m dealing with rn. I’m doing a little better but it hits me more at night when I’m not as distracted. I’ll update 🤍