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Jan 11 21
14:29
Is it possible to gain/learn confidence? And reduce insecurity about other girls? I’m always insecure that my boyfriend is looking at other girls or etc. have you done it? How to?
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Jan 11 21
15:24
tbh i personally feel like it depends half on u and half on the person. for example i don’t think i’m pretty or anything but my ex makes me feel so good about myself and now i feel like it really did help with my confidence and even tho we’re not dating we still talk like that and he never makes me feel like he would leave or look for another girl cos of how he treats me and how he acts with other girls, like i trust him so much. whereas my first ex would always follow loads of girls, them only fan pages and ALWAYS talk about how hot my friends were like i don’t think i could trust him because of how many girls he would “lowkey flirt” with. i feel like being able to communicate with your boyfriend and seeing how he reacts with other girls helped me to trust him a lot.
 
Jan 11 21
15:44
@kASh_bby yeah I totally get that. I guess I’m insecure because in the beginning of our relationship 1 year ago, his ex kept texting him and checking up on him and saying she misses him but now he has blocked her without me having to say anything. But the fact that they talked and stuff got me feeling insecure idk how to explain it. He told me it’s not a big dealthat he texted her a few times and it bothers me that he thinks it’s ok. He told me not to be so mean about it and to her. He said he doesn’t not have any feelings towards her and that he is fully committed to me but I constantly need reassurance about that.
 
Jan 11 21
15:45
@kash_bby I think she means if the partner hasn’t given a reason to distrust them. You shouldn’t have to like test or ‘see how they react to other girls’ to trust them either. You shouldn’t rely on your partner to solve your insecurities.
 
Jan 11 21
16:14
@Awg1 no i don’t mean test them like that. for example id ask my ex oh if a girl did that what would u do like as casual convo and tbh his replies jus make me feel better and the way he handles like exs n other girls ensures me i don’t need to worry where as my ex would always call his ex over me and talk to my friends.
 
Jan 11 21
16:18
@Bbytuk hmm i mean personally if he blocked her without u saying and u know for sure there not speaking then i guess that’s good n u have nothing to worry about. but igy it can be hard because in my first relationship i used to think oh what if his ex did that better what if he enjoyed his ex more, but honestly the more trust you give in ur partner the more they’ll actually show u there all about u - and naturally it does uplift ur confidence. needing reassurance is hard because some ppl don’t understand the severity of insecurity and trust issues but take it slowly like ur partner was able to block his ex have no feelings and move on without u having to beg him to which is really good because it shows he cares about u and doesn’t need to give u a reason to worry. it’s a hard process but trust and love is the biggest thing when feeling reassured
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Jan 11 21
16:40
I think step one is to change your mindset a bit. You have to understand that your partner is allowed to find other people attractive. If you accept that and understand that it normal, it’ll be easier to start gaining confidence. Just because he finds someone attractive, does not mean he finds you any less attractive. I mean, he’s with you after all, right? Maybe you also need to do things to help you feel more confident, whether that be makeup, skin care, a new hairstyle, new clothes, a hobby, etc. Also, regarding his ex, the fact that he blocked her and didn’t give her much attention shows that you need to trust him more. He shouldn’t have to reassure you every day that he is with you and only you. Working on trust is essential for a healthy relationship, is there any reason you can’t trust him?
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Jan 11 21
17:26
Yesssss very true thank you @sOYmelk just the fact that he didn’t tell me that his ex texted him and I had to ask myself. Or that it makes me insecure that he said “we had a good connection and understood eachother”.
 
Jan 11 21
17:27
@sOymelk also the fact that he said that she was just checking up on him and that’s okay. Also the fact that he said that I should stop sayin bad things about her
 
Jan 11 21
17:31
Well if he didn’t cheat and just blocked her, I don’t see why he HAD to tell you? I understand wanting to know, but he didn’t do anything wrong. And it’s not a bad thing he had a good connection with his ex. He had a life before you, he loved before you. Again, this doesn’t mean he feels any less about you. And to be honest, I would get pretty upset if my partner were to say a lot of bad things about my ex(es), especially if the relationship didn’t exactly end horribly. But if it honestly bothers you that she checks up on him constantly (which I can see being annoying, I do agree with you on this point), then you just need to communicate with him. Tell him it makes you uncomfortable and you’d rather he not give her the time of day if she keeps checking in. But, I thought you said he has her blocked?
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Jan 11 21
17:49
Yeah I get that and she is blocked now. I meant he kept checking up on her before she was blocked. @sOymelk
 
Jan 11 21
17:51
@kash_bby Thats still kinda testing them though?
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Jan 11 21
17:53
Ah, well I don’t see the issue then. She’s blocked now, there’s no point of bringing it up over and over again. If anything, that might push him away more. I think to work on your confidence you should try to reaffirm to yourself every day that you are beautiful, strong, kind, etc. Whatever words will help you mentally feel better. And then the other things I suggested might help as well!
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Jan 11 21
17:57
I agree with @soymelk its completely not acceptable to be saying bad things about your ex’s partner I would definitely apologise for that. You shouldn’t get your confidence from putting other women down no matter what they’ve done. Also your bf doesn’t have to tell you about conversations he’s had with other girls/his ex you have to just trust him that if another girl were to try something he would set a boundary (which should be even easier for you as he’s already done that before!). To work on your confidence I suggest following body positive people on social media instead of ones which make you feel insecure, pick out something you like about yourself everyday, walk around naked or wear lingerie for yourself, work on your independence so you don’t feel you need your partners attention to get through life anyway x
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