my boyfriend and i saw each other yesterday after a month of not seeing each other. and of course we sorta went ham and he was extremely rough and not gentle with me. i was very tense and nervous since i always get nervous and insecure about myself after a while. so when he was inserting himself into me, he pushed himself in there causing my vagina to tear. i was bleeding after and now have an open tear on my vagina. it really hurts and i’m wondering why this happened even if we had sex many times in the past? i’m also wondering if bleeding is normal? i bleed almost every time after me and him have sex. even when i don’t feel tense. my family doctor said it’s normal but i just don’t hear anyone else really speak about it. i’m just sick of being super sore after sex and bleeding a lot like it’s my first time over and over again.

Why did you continue to have sex when you clearly weren’t comfortable? You answered your own question; you were tense and nervous and in order for sex to go smoothly you need to be relaxed. And no, bleeding after sex is NOT normal. It means he is just ramming it in there and hurting you. Please stop having sex if it’s uncomfortable. The amount of sex you have really doesn’t matter, it doesn’t change the “size” of a vagina. If you’re relaxed, use lube, do at least 30 minutes of foreplay on you and you still experience issues you need to see a doctor. In your case I would go to a different clinic/doctor as yours doesn’t seem to take you seriously.

It is not normal to feel sore and bleed every time after sex. You're not getting enough foreplay to be properly aroused, wet, expanded and relaxed. Sex is supposed to feel good, not painful. I also think it's a huge red flag that he was rough with you and just shoved it in, thereby hurting you.

You need plenty foreplay, my bf does it to me sometimes he starts to finger me when im not ready. I pull his hand away and tell him im not ready. He then starts playing with my boobs etc to get me fully turned on. Works well tbh

@Yi_eune thank you. i think when i have sex i’m just in the mood for whatever happens and i lack communication. i also get nervous and find it hard to say what i want from my boyfriend so i’m leaving him guessing. i think i’ll show him this and maybe we can plan some sort of method beforehand so i’m fully aroused. i also think i should be honest and say no when i don’t like something rather than just saying yes. i’m sure my boyfriend would rather know i’m comfortable.

@aurielle i think i’m the red flag since i wasn’t being honest with him about how i was feeling 🤕. thanks for the advice. i’ll be more vocal with him in the future.

@mikamiyu if you can’t communicate with your boyfriend about what you want or need from sex then I don’t think you’re ready to be having sex with him. Please prioritise yourself!

@Yi_eune as harsh as this sounds it might be true. how do i know when i’m ready though? i don’t want to be tense and scared of it forever. plus sex is something me and him do often. is there anyway to start making changes to myself so i’m ready? sex isn’t everything in a relationship to us but at least for me it’s just something i’ve grown accustomed to 😭.

@mikamiyu you will know when you’re ready. It sounds like you’re just doing it to cater to his needs and that’s not what it should be like. You’re not some sex doll. You can’t just make yourself ready for sex, it’s something that develops with time.

@Yi_eune thank you for your honest advice ♡ i appreciate it.